Archive for the ‘Catholic’ Tag

Dearly beloved, we are gathered here in the sight of God… #2   Leave a comment

100_0070Ring, Ring.  Ring, Ring. Ring…

“Is that Father O’Hare?”

“It is about that wedding, I left a message.”

“Yes that’s right, Paul Miller.”

“No I am not a member of your Church, I am not a member of any church.”

“No, not a Catholic, I don’t believe in any of that shit.”

“Why in church?  Well it is traditional.  I wouldn’t have my future spouse’s lot there either if it was my decision but the whole family and church service seem to be the norm.”

“Well there are other churches but we really wanted to get married in yours…”

“Because it is perfect for the photos and very close the country house hotel we are using for the reception.”

“I don’t know about beliefs or faith, we only want to hire the building.  We don’t want any of the mumbo-jumbo!”

“Well you can come as long as you bring the fancy garb, there is usually a bloke in a dress to host it.”

“Look we only want it for an hour, a bit less if we lose those dirgeful songs.  We can bring our own Robbie Williams CDs.”

“Come-on we don’t even want a speech from you!  Just the ‘repeat after me’ and ‘You may now kiss…’”

“Look it is about the only way you will ever get a full house, someone has to pay your wages, those six people and a dog on Sundays don’t!”

“Just take the money and you can go back to “accepting penitence” from young choirboys…”

“Jesus Christ, how much?”

“That is almost as much as for the centre-pieces at the hotel!”

“In that case I’ll take-it!  August 6th it is then.”

“Thank you, Father.  Just one more thing, does that magic book of yours do ‘I now pronounce you husband and husband?’ ”

Dearly beloved, we are gathered here in the sight of God…   1 comment

Ring, Ring.  Ring, Ring. Ring…

“Is that Father O’Hare?”

“It is about that wedding, I left a message.”

“Yes that’s right.”

“No I am not a member of your Church, I am not a member of any church.”

“No, not a Catholic, I don’t believe in any of that shit.”

“Why in church?  Well it is traditional.  I wouldn’t have her mother there either if it was my decision but Mother of the Bride, church service seem to be the norm.”

“Well there are other churches but we really wanted to get married in yours…”

“Because it is perfect for the photos and very close the country house hotel we are using for the reception.”

“I don’t know about beliefs or faith, we only want to hire the building.  We don’t want any of the mumbo-jumbo!”

“Well you can come as long as you bring the fancy garb, there is usually a bloke in a dress to host it.”

“Look we only want it for an hour, a bit less if we lose those dirgeful songs.  We can bring our own Robbie Williams CDs.”

“Come-on we don’t even want a speech from you!  Just the ‘repeat after me’ and ‘you may now kiss the Bride.’”

“Look it is about the only way you will ever get a full house, someone has to pay your wages, those six people and a dog on Sundays don’t!”

“Just take the money and you can go back to “accepting penitence” from young choirboys…”

“Jesus Christ, how much?”

“That is almost as much as for the centre-pieces at the hotel!”

“Take-it!  August 6th then.”

“Thank you, Father.”

Posted November 11, 2012 by dalekpete in atheism, Scepticism

Tagged with , , , , ,

Chip off the old block- it’s a miracle!   Leave a comment

My daughter returned from a trip to a fast food outlet with undeniable proof that the Christian God, or at least the earthly version, is real.  Two chips, or fries to use the correct language of the church of Burger King, had been cooked together to give a perfect representation of the cross.  Bugger me if that isn’t the proof I have been waiting for!

Luckily my kid is as skeptical as I and so realises this is just random chance which, given the output of such a fat-filled multi-national will happen several times a day.  Those who consider that this ancient form of capital punishment has some message today might be more willing to embrace this miracle.

Probably the most inane phenomenon among theists (at least after all the other insane ones) is the realisation that their god has expressed themselves in vague random patterns.

This means that any random stain, element of flora or natural image can be seen as proof that a particular mythical being exists.  For Christians this means any approximation of a cross in random images reinforces the position of Jesus as significant in their faith.  Of course pareidolia helps and means faces can be seen in anything.  For Christians this results in any vague appearance of a European face with long hair and a beard becoming a picture of their prophet-god.  This of course rejects the evidence that any Aramaic Jew of the period would not have looked like the nineteenth century image of the Christ.

Pareidolia also accounts for the many purported images of Mary, Jesus’ mother.  She also seems to be a western character most probably in holy orders.  Often she forms a double act with her son.  Her appearance can be revealed by shadows, strange lights or crap left on the bottom of burned frying pans.  God works in very mysterious ways!

For the Muslims there are fewer images of Allah or his top prophet.  Anyone who claimed an image of them might expect a fatwa  as a significant majority of those following Islam think such an image would be blasphemous.  Of course the images of the Islamic prophet Jesus would also be prohibited except he pops up with the toast regularly.

In the Arab world it is more often that the words for Allah and his head-honcho that appear in tomatoes and other domestic comestibles.   Odd that the discovery of miracles mirrors the culture of the faith.

One of the issues is that all these faiths depend on the miraculous happens to forward their beliefs.  The catholic church has an industry that manufactures a culture that depends on simple-minded believers accepting each ridiculous claim as one more example of how powerful their god is.

If there was a god I would expect him to offer a little more proof than piss-stains on walls, flickering lights and bits of food with random patterns.  Like the millions of fried chips each day there are a myriad of other manufactured and natural occurrences that might offer an opportunity for the human brain to use its cognition to make a recognised image from practically nought.

A chip is just a chip, a shadow just a shadow and a god just a concept manufactured by man- a bit like my daughter’s cross.